Under the Sea
by supersushicupcake
Summary: Black the little mermaid had the most wonderful singing voic-pfft! who am I kidding Black Joker was the most short-tempered, foul-mouthed mermaid that ever roamed the seven seas. So what happens when this under water terror wants revenge on innocent, sweet cake-loving Prince Alexander? Nonsense... pure nonsense.


**Okay so let's get this party started, I do not own HNKNA obviously or i wouldn't be surviving off of ramen also I don't own black butler, the little mermaid, harry potter, madonna, or Mcdonalds...and since your probably wondering what the hell are all these doing in the same place? Well your just going to have to read now don't you? **

**Let the madness begin.**

* * *

Deep in the blue sea, past the Great Barrier Reef, behind the large rock shaped like an old man flipping a pancake and a LITTLE bit to the right was the lost city of Atlantis. There in all its sunken glory stood the ancient ruins, standing erect and proud despite the coral that had covered its stone walls along with bright green sea moss. Yes this undersea kingdom was the pinnacle of elegance and maje—

"WHITE YOU BA*****! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU PUT MY F***ING TRIDENT!?"

Uh…Let's just ignore that. Anyways this place was—

"ARGH! WHEN I GET YOU I'M GOING TO F***ING RIP YOUR TAIL OFF AND SEND IT TO JAPAN!"

Forget it. Just forget it.

A young man with fire engine red locks suddenly swam into an open clearing, his lone crimson eye (his other one was lost in a trident accident, which by the way kids, it's not a good idea to swing a giant fork around—especially at yourself.) narrowed in obvious anger. His name was Black Joker and if you haven't guessed by now he was a— mermaid!

"MER-MAN! NOT MERMAID! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!"

The half-fish humanoid growled as he raised a fist at the narrator. Yeah, whateves, you ain't the boss of me, you're a mermaid…simple as that.

"NO! IT'S NO—"

"Hey Black….thanks for your trident! It works as a great toothpick for whales." A red-tailed merman swam up to the seething mermaid—

"Oh! He's a merman but I'm a mermaid!? How does that make f***ing sense!?" Black raged as the storyteller just ignored him and continued with the tale. Anyways the merman who had used the mighty scepter as a toothpick for whales was none other than Ace. A brunette with bright red eyes, tanned skin and a six-pack to die for, definitely a fish you wanted to catch at the end of your hook.

"Hahaha! Thanks for the introduction!"

No problem.

"I hate you….AND WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU USED MY TRIDENT AS A F***ING WHALE TOOTHPICK!?" The red-head seethed, his green fish tail angrily swishing back and forth.

"Haha it's a funny story, you see I was swimming along when this huge squid came and of course those things are rare and I just thought, 'Whoa! Imagine if I rode that thing to the Fish Bowl? I would be picking up chicks like no tommorr—' "

"WHAT THE F*** DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH MY TRIDENT!?" Black shouted so violently that the waters around them created a small whirlpool. It's safe to say that this little mermaid had some anger problems. "Nothing really….and a trident? What are you talking about?" Ace scratched his head as Black slapped a hand against his face. Today was obviously not his day. And little did he know it was about to get worse—

A lot worse.

**~.X.~**

"Oooo! What's this thing?"

"A dinglehopper, Nightmare told me humans use it to brush their hair."

"Really? Why don't they use a hairbrush?"

"I don—"

"Because humans are f***ing stupid."

Black scoffed as he sat on a rather large stone in his twin brother's cavern, watching as Ace and White turned in his direction. "Plus when the hell are you going to clean this place out? It's a f***ing dump site! We already have enough trash thanks to those stupid land-walkers!" He huffed as he picked up some wooden box and threw it against the clutter filled walls. White Joker thought himself to be a collector while Black just thought his brother was just a damn hoarder.

"It's not trash it's treasure." White childishly pouted as he picked up the box, Nightmare the all-knowing seagull called it a thingajig, something humans use to put their dreams in where they eventually die and then they bury them. Sad but somewhat true.

"Trash, treasure same thing." Black shrugged as Ace swam around running his finger along the many stone shelves.

"Look at this stuff~ Isn't it neat! Don't you think my collection's complete? Don't you think I'm a boy, a boy who has every—"

"SHUDDUP! NO MUSICAL NUMBERS!" Black threw a shoe at the brunette's head causing him to sink to the ocean's floor.

Poor merman.

"Hey? What's that?" White pointed above them through a small sky light that now had a large shadow slowly covering it. "Don't know…maybe a whale is passing by?" Black said before brightening up. "Hell yeah! It has to be a whale! Which means, we'll have fresh meat for a year!" The cheapskate drooled as he rushed up to the surface.

"Hey! Black wait! Remember the last time you attacked a whale!? Those Save the Whales guys almost harpooned you!" White called out, trying to save his idiot brother, but it was too late…he was already gone.

"Oh well….maybe I can turn his room into another storage space..."

Yeah that could work.

**~.X.~**

Meanwhile on the surface, the whale was actually a ship. And on that mighty ship was a boy, a beautiful boy who stared out onto the horizon with such—hatred. "Guu~~ Julius! I feel sick!" Alexander Liddell, prince of a humble kingdom grip onto the rail as he turned a sickly green. "Just hold it in, Alex we're almost home." Julius Monrey advisor to the King and Queen and currently babysitter to their son sighed as he pushed his long azure locks out of his face.

"I-I-I don't think I ca—BLAGGGHHH!" The poor guy hurled as he spewed chunks of undigested cake into the once blue water. "J-J-Just kill me nooowww.~~"

"As much as I would love too, I can't." Julius bluntly said as he handed the sea-sick prince a handkerchief. After spending six-months at sea with the cake loving idiot, the advisor was pretty much close to tossing him over board—especially since the guy ate most of their food supply and because of that most of the crew had to start eating their own clothes. And clothes, just so you know taste very bland.

"Ughhh….I just want to go home and eat cake, is that so hard to ask for? I didn't want to spend my birthday here at sea." Alex wept before wiping his mouth and sat on a nearby barrel. "Maybe you wouldn't be spending your birthday here on the ocean if you just agreed to marry the person your parents picked out for you." Julius pointed out as the prince puffed out his cheeks.

"Are you crazy!? What kind of parents force their kids to marry when their seven—"

"Your eighteen now…besides this is what? The 1800's? You're the perfect age to get married plus your very ferti—"

"Ew! STAHP! I don't want to hear it!"

"Alexander don't be such a—"

"Lalalalalalala! I can't hear you!~"

"Oi! Don't ignore me!"

"Lalalalalala! Can't hear a word you say!"

"Alexander Louis Liddell!"

"Hahaha! Still can't—OW! YOU HIT ME!?"

Black stared on at the scene of some idiot getting assaulted by some manly Rapunzel. Yeah, he figured out his whale was actually a human ship, which sucked big time since this meant no free meals for the rest of the year. "Stupid humans…messing up my plans." The mermaid grumbled as he continued to stare at the humans who stood on something called "legs" walk around the huge vessel. Though despite the fleshy beings being pretty stupid, Black couldn't help but be a little interested by them. They were totally different from him yet the same, it kind of was mind-bottling for the sea creature.

How could two different species be so similar?

"Hey Julius what is this barrel for?" The small brunette with bright teal eyes and looked too feminine to be considered a man curiously asked as Black watched the other man named Julius turn to face him.

"Oh that's just gun pow—ALEX DON'T HOLD THE MATCH TOO CLOS—"

**BOOM! **

"F***!F***!F***!" Black cursed as he held his ears tightly and watched the flames dance above him from the safety below the waters. "Why the hell did he do that!?" Black growled as he was pretty sure his eardrums were busted. No one and I mean no one can walk away from an explosion unscathed. It's inhumanly possible unless you're the human torch or something. "Damn human is paying for my hospifish bills!" The ginger snarled as he swam back to the surface to see that the ship was nothing but splinters now and luckily some of the crew members made it to the life rafts.

"Now where is that stupid ba****?"

"WAH! HELP! I'M DROWNING!~~ I CAN'T SWIM!~~"

"There he is!" Black spotted the good for nothing idiot as he bobbed up and down the murky waves, splashing around like some flopping fish. It was pretty funny and the mermaid being the sadistic person he was decided he would just watch this human drown. "Nobody gets away with busting my eardrums." He madly grinned as Alex, feeling it was truly the end decided to just sink to the bottom of the ocean.

"I-I-I never be able to eat cake again.~" The prince sobbed before finally taking his last breath and disappeared below the crashing waves.

"Good!" Black smugly said as he turned around and swam in the other direction.

Really, dude? You're just going to leave him?

"Yup!" Black smirked as he merrily continued on his way.

But he doesn't even know how to swim!

"Not my problem."

It was his birthday!

"Well now it's his funeral."

That's just low…even for you.

"Tch, I don't f***ing car—"

Murderer.

"What did you call me?"

Murderer. Murderer, Murderer. **MURDERER!**

"I am not a murdere—"

You just let a homie drown! You are a murder!

"ARGH! Fine! I'll save him!" Black threw his hands in the air as he swam back to the prince's seemingly lifeless body and hauled him up to some random beach nearby.

See? Was that so hard?

"He weighs as much as a sea cow!" The mermaid huffed as he collapsed on the sandy beach besides the unconscious human. "Ugh…what the hell has he been eating?" Black tiredly sighed as he pushed himself up and noticed how close he was to this land dweller. "….Now that I've gotten a closer look at him….he's…really pretty." The ginger blushed as he leaned in closer to the prince's face and was about to kiss him—when suddenly the sleeping guy's eyes flickered open.

"F***ING SEA HORSES!" Black's beautiful voice cursed before he dive- bombed back into the ocean and hid behind a large rock nearby to shore.

"UWAH! W-W-What was that!?" Alex fearfully trembled before hacking up some salty sea water. "W-W-Was it just a dream? Hopefully an n-n-nightmare." The prince gulped not realizing he was almost violated by a mermaid who may have been a homosexual.

"I'm not gay!" Black hissed as he glared at the sky.

Suuuuuuuuuurrrreeee.

"Prince Alex! Alex is that you?" Julius suddenly appeared on the beach, slightly disheveled and wet but otherwise fine.

"Julius?" The brunette sat up quickly as he spotted the navyette running towards him. "WAAAHH! JULIUS! It was horrible! Utterly horrible!" Alex wailed as he ran to his friend and wrapped his arms around him.

"What is?"

"I had this terrible dream that some cussing troll brought me to the beach and he was about to eat me!" Alex sobbed into Julius shoulder as the older man just deadpanned at his young majesty's imagination.

"Alex that's stupid…a cussing troll who was about to eat you? How does that make sense?"

"He was a ginger too! It was horrible! Just horrible!" Alex continued to say, unaware that the "troll" was nearby and heard every word out of his mouth.

"WHAT THE F***!? THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR F***ING SAVING YOUR ASS!? YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF—" Black ranted on and on as the two men on the beach clung to each other in fear hearing every single profanity the mermaid uttered. So much for having a beautiful singing voice.

"Uh….um….just in case foul-mouthed trolls do exist…let's get out of here." Julius sweat dropped as Alex rapidly nodded his head.

"THAT IS THE LAST TIME I'M EVER SAVING YOUR UNGRATEFUL FAT ASS!"

**~.X.~**

"kukukuku~ Die you cake loving idiot…die~"

A dark aura emitted off Black the little foul-mouthed mermaid as he stuck multiple pins in a doll he found that remarkably looked like the prince. "Uh…how long has he been like this? Hahaha…" Ace nervously chuckled as White sweat dropped. "A couple of days now, I don't know what's gotten into him, he keeps muttering something about trolls." The twin replied as Ace nodded his head understandingly before snapping his fingers.

"Oh! I know! He rescued some mortal and fell in love with them and now he wants legs so they can spend the rest of their lives singing and having little ginger babies!~" The brunette gushed as the glooming mermaid stiffened before robotically turning towards the idiotic merman.

"I DIDN'T F***ING FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM!"

Le gasp~

"I-I-It's a boy!?" Ace's mouth dropped as White raised a hand to his mouth.

"Oh my, how come you never told me you swam THAT way?" The twin looked away a bit disappointed that he was the last to know as Ace wrapped an arm around the now fuming red-head's shoulder.

"Don't worry! Your good buddy Ace will help ya out! I know a sea hag that can solve all your love problems." Ace grinned as he began to lead the gay mermai—

"I'M NOT GAY!"

Sure whatever helps you sleep at night.

Anyways the trio then ventured out to the outskirts of the city where the infamous sea witch lived in isolation brewing up lethal concoctions of—"The sea hag lives in a club?" Black's right eye twitched as the small group gazed upon the undersea exclusive night club that had merfolk swimming in and out of the place. "Yup! Where else would an evil sea creature bent on the destruction of humankind and fishkind live?" Ace beamed as the brothers deadpanned at the brunette. Something had to be wrong with the merman.

"Well this should be fun." White sheepishly smiled before entering in the strobe-light filled cavern. "I don't know why the f*** we're here in the first place." Black followed dragging Ace behind him, who was swimming in the wrong direction. Yeah, something was definitely wrong with that merman.

"Welcome to the Kingdom Under the Sea best night club; Ursula." A suave voice greeted the trio who turned to see a merman lounging on a chair with multiple beautiful mermaids. "What brings you here?" The raven haired merman asked as his sea-green eyes examined what he thought were unfortunate souls.

"Wait…you're the sea hag?" White tilted his head to the side as a chilling silence filled the water.

…..

….

…

"BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The group exploded in laughter as a visible vein twitched on the sea hag's forehead. "No..I am NOT a sea hag but I do run an underground black market. I'm Blood Dupre and if you pathetic life forms aren't here to buy anything then I suggest leaving." Blood swished his ivory tail towards the nearest exit as once again Black's temper got the best of him.

"Oi! Pathetic life form my ass! Look here you sea witch! You're going to give me f***ing mother legs so I can beat the cr** out of that ba***** who called me ugly!" He growled when suddenly a pistol was pointed to his head.

"Don't call the boss a sea hag you whiny bi***!" A blonde mermaid with mauve colored eyes and a bright orange tail hissed as the party atmosphere died down.

"Whoa! Whoa! Where's the tsunami? Put your weapon away, we just came for a little spell that's all, so my brother here can find his true love." White interfered as he quickly covered his brother's mouth.

"True love? With a human? Hm, well I can't see that going totally wrong." The sea wit—er sea pimp said sarcastically as he swam to a cabinet and pulled out a bottle. "But since this will probably be interesting, here drink this and you'll have legs." Blood handed the vial to White, who gratefully took it and gave it to Black.

"That's it? You're giving it to him so easily?" Ace curiously asked as he had three mermaids on his arms. This merman got game!~

"No of course not…he has to pay me of course. If he doesn't I'll have Elliot here blast his brains out." The ravenette pointed to the blonde who was still a bit trigger happy.

"I don't have any f***ing money…" Black scowled as Blood sighed before snapping his fingers in realization. "Then instead of money give me your voice." The sea pimp suggested as the little mermaid's brows furrowed together in hate. "Like hell I'll give you my voice! Why in the f*** would you want it anyways!? Besides if I give you my voice how am I supposed to insert fear into the unlucky ba***** I'm trying to kill!?"

"Your voice is scary….I can use it to scare away unwanted guest."

A large 'O' was heard from everyone inside the club as they agreed that made perfect sense. Well, everyone except Black who just started to say a string of profanities.

"And as for the not speaking part…haven't you ever heard of **BODY LANGUAGE**?" Blood smirked before continuing. "Poor unfortunate soul, not only are you hideous but stupid too. I feel sorry for the human your after already."

"Grrr…damn you sea witch! Fine...I'll show you! I'll scare him without my voice!" Black said as Blood merely shrugged. "Wait…the person he's trying to woo is a guy?" Elliot scratched his head as Ace laughed. "Hahaha! Yup! He swims in the opposite direction.~"

"I AM NOT GA—"

"Who cares about your sexual orientation, let's just get this over with. Here cuss into this." Blood tossed him a golden sea shell as the red-head just blankly stared at the thing. "Uh…cuss into this? How am I supposed to just—ARGH! F***! F***!" Black held his tail in pain as White poked him with his trident again.

"F***! SH**! F***ING MOTHER GOLDFISH! F***! BI***!~~~" The little foul-mouthed mermaid sang as his voice started to come out of his throat like a golden stream and before anyone knew it, it got sucked into the seashell. "Yup. That should do it." Blood casually said as he grabbed the sea shell from a now mute Black and placed it on his shelf of goodies. "Now that I've got my payment, you can go ahead and drink the potion." The merman said and without so much as looking at the bottle, Black foolishly chugged down the liquid.

"Oh and by the way…you'll only be human for three days…THREE…and within those three days you have to get the prince to kiss you. And not just any kiss but a kiss on the LIPS…if you don't then on the third day, when the sun sinks below the waves you'll turn into sea foam."

As much as the now mute ginger wanted to scream and shout wondering how this turned out to a make out session with the guy he swore to destroy—he couldn't because he made a bad investment deal so he just had to settle with multiple bubbles pouring out of his mouth.

**Gulp, gulp!~**

**~.X.~**

**SPLASH!**

"GASP!" Black sputtered as his brother and friend dragged him to shore. "Dude sorry about forgetting you couldn't breathe underwater." Ace sheepishly rubbed his head as White scratched his chin. "Who would have known that holding your throat meant can't breathe, not I want a root beer float. Heh, I guess that was our bad.~" White grinned as the now human mermaid glared at the two and began to shout several profanities at them, but since his voice was long gone—he was just sitting there moving his lips angrily.

"Hahaha! What is that? I can't hear you.~" White teased as the ginger hatefully lunged forward, trying to strangle his once fellow merman. And as the two rolled around on the sandy beaches, Ace noticed something wrong with Black's new body. "Hahahaha!~ Black you totally got duped! Blood gave you three legs! Not two! Hahaha!" The brunette laughed as he pointed to the "leg" between his other two. "Though why is it smaller than the others?" Ace asked as both red-heads slowly looked down at the extra appendage and Black freaking out jumped back, only to fall back into the sand, since he still hadn't got his land legs yet.

"Oh! I know what that is!" White cheerfully said as he pointed at the thing.

"You do?"

"Yep! Nightmare says that it's called a um…what was it again…" White scratched his head as the others anxiously awaited his answer. "Ah! Yes! It's a pen!"

"A pen?" Ace tilted his head to the side as Black looked down at his "pen."

"Yup! You see when humans lose a leg the pen grows longer and becomes a new leg for them." White concluded as his friend and brother started to clap at the red-head's all-knowing wisdom. Though one thing still kind of bothered Ace. "Okay if that becomes a leg then why does it have ha—"

"Come on brother! Let's play over here!"

"Okay~ brother!"

Childish voices rang out through the air, causing White and Ace to scatter like cockroaches back into the ocean. Leaving behind a rather nude and helpless Black on shore.

And this is where the drama begins.

"Brother look! It's a naked man!" Tweedle Dum, a raven haired child of merely fifteen with bright red eyes pointed out as his twin brother, Tweedle Dee narrowed his blue eyes towards the nude figure.

"An UGLY naked man." Dee scrunched his face in disgust as his brother laughed before seriously looking at his twin.

"But hey…this isn't a nude beach right?"

"Right." Dee answered back, wondering what his brother was thinking.

"So him being naked is against the law…plus he's naked in front of children so he's a pedophile."

"Ah! That's right! He is a pedophile!"

"Wanna call the cops?"

"Sure!"

And that's how Black the little mermaid spent his first day as a human—in a mortal jail, learning quickly (from watching others) that you should not drop the soap. And if you do, just kick it and slide away. Kick and slide. Kick and slide. It's called the Prison shuffle.

**~.X.~**

"So who's next on the execution list?" Queen Vivaldi asked as she boringly looked at her husband, King Gray who happened to be sleeping on his throne at the time. "Oi! You lazy man! Wake up! We have people to execute!" Her majesty raged, only causing the navy haired man to crack an eyelid open and lazily yawn.

"Oh so it wasn't a dream? I really am married to a hag."

"A HAG!? WHY YOU DESPICABLE MAN! OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"

"You can't kill me I'm the king."

"WE DO NOT CARE! WE SHALL KILL YOU ANYWAYS AND PUT OUR DEAR SON ON THE THRONE!" Vivaldi shouted before quickly regaining her composure and happily thought about her cute son. "Ah yes~ He shall make a most excellent king. Our king~ Fufufufufu~"

"You know…you have a very unhealthy relationship with our child….it's kind of weird." Gray said as a large drop of sweat rolled down his brow. And before Vivaldi could open her mouth Julius entered with a certain red-head prisoner in tow.

"Your majesties, this is prisoner, 24601, and he's here to face judgment for stealing a loaf of bread—oh wait never mind he's here for public nudity to minors." Julius corrected himself as the King and Queen stared at Black who was now glaring at the stoic advisor. He definitely just mixed up this story with another classic novel. "A pedophile?" King Gray asked as Julius nodded his head.

"Yep, the boys said he tried to take advantage of them and since the prisoner has refused to speak to anyone, we believe he's guilty."

"Of course he is…just look at him, he looks like a creeper. Off with his head." Vivaldi waved her hands towards the now paling mermaid who watched guards approach him with large battle axes.

"Hey mom and dad can I have—WOAH! What the hell!? Are you going to cut his head off!?" The prince looked at the mute man who was mouthing several cusses as the blades drew near his neck. "Alex! What are you doing here? We did not expect you to visit us. Was it perhaps you missed your mother's embrace?" Vivaldi smiled blissfully as she reached towards a now sweat dropping prince. Yeah. His mother had a son-complex, no doubt about that. "Uh…no….anyways are you really going to kill him?" Alex asked again as he stared at his father hoping that the more mature adult would answer him but of course the King was taking his two-thirty nap so he was no help at all.

"Our sweet prince, this criminal was found nude in front of innocent children, his head should be hacked off along with his—"

"Woah! Woah! Wait this is the guy Dee and Dum found naked?" Alex gasped as he walked up to Black who was now glaring at the human who was the cause for all of this. "Yes and he will face death also since you are here, we must discuss your marriage to a suitable spouse." Vivaldi seriously said as Alex's eye twitched, truth be told the prince didn't want to get married—especially since it meant he had to share his wedding cake with someone.

And that just ain't happening.

Suddenly like all stupid ideas, this one came like a lightning bolt and struck the prince hard. "Actually mother dearest! I already have a lover!" Alex gleefully piped, wondering why he hadn't thought of this sooner. "Y-Y-You do?" The queen stuttered both amazed and heart-broken that her adorable son already found someone. Even Julius was amazed, he had been by Alex's side since they were children and he never saw the boy talk to anyone but the Tweedle twins and the servant boy Boris.

"Who is—"

"He is!" Alex grinned as he wrapped an arm around a shocked Black, whose jaw instantly dropped.

"WHAT!?" The castle walls shook instantly waking the slumbering king who saw his son hugging another man.

"Eh? What did I miss?"

"YOU USELESS HUSBAND! OUR ALEX'S LOVER IS THE PEDOPHILE!"

"Oh…Well that makes sense."

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM!?"

"Vivaldi…our son likes sweets and looks like a child…it was bound to happen."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!~~~~ It' just a phase! Y-y-yeah! Just a phase! Hahahahaha! Our son doesn't have a pedophile lover!"

**~.X.~**

"Uh….I'm sorry about my mom trying to burn you at the stake." Alex sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck as the small dingy both him and the pedoph—er little mermaid were in gently went with the pull of the lake's waves. "I'm sure those burns will heal in no time!" The prince nervously smiled as Black growled in his direction, holding his bandaged arm. The human world as he was finding out—sucked.

Big time.

"_I'm starting to think that turning into sea foam isn't such a bad idea." _ Black thought as he stared out at the inky colored water, filling a bit home-sick. It was already night time and the end of his second day as a human, he had only until tomorrow's sunset to kiss the prince, which by the way he was starting to regret ever trying to get revenge on the idiot. Not only did the prince's mother tried to bar-a-que him but Alex had forced him to try to ride something called a horse but the huge beast tried to stomp them to death instead and then they were in some sort of chariot which was fun until Alex led them off a cliff.

Yeah, being turned into sea foam didn't sound bad at all.

"I never caught your name. What is it?" The troublemaker spoke up as Black lazily turned to his sworn enemy.

…

…..

….

The two stared at each other for the longest time before Alex suddenly remembered his "lover" couldn't speak, which was great since the red-head couldn't deny that they were an item. Which meant his mom wouldn't try setting him up with other people. And he wouldn't have to share cake with anyone. "Oh, right…your mute….hm… then I guess I should try to guess your name."

"_Oh great Posideon, no." _Black sighed as he prepared himself for the other guy's nonsense

"Is it…Grell?"

Black scowled at the name signaling that was NOT his name—not even close.

"How about Ron Weasley?"

"_NO! I'm not a wizard!"_

"No? Hmmm…oh! I know! Ronald Mcdonald!"

"_The hell! Do I own a fast food chain!?"_

"How about….um…ah! Igor!" Alex pounded a closed fist into his outstretched palm as Black deadpanned, he was ready to throw this guy overboard. In fact, he'll do that right now. And as the ginger reached over to the unsuspecting fellow—another surprising guy popped up.

"His name is Black." Ace rested his arms on the edge of the boat as he goofily grinned at the couple. "Oh! Black? What an odd name…I think Igor is a better." Alex hummed not at all bothered that this other man appeared out of nowhere and had a fish tail at the end of his torso.

"Hahaha! Hey…your pretty hot..wanna be my wifey?" Ace suddenly started to hit on the now blushing prince who really didn't know what to say.

"Uh….."

"I promise I'll be a lot more fun than this loser, he hasn't even had his first kiss yet." The merman laughed as Black turned a furious red and before Ace could utter another word Black whipped out an oar and began to send the brunette back into the watery depths.

**SMACK! SMACK! **

"Uwah! Igor! You killed him!" Alex jumped up as he scanned the side of the boat but found no sign of the weird character that had suddenly appeared. Black on the other hand felt his heart twist inside his chest, how come Alex was worried about that imbecile? Hadn't he known Black longer? Hadn't HE been the one to save his dumb ass? _"What the hell is this feeling?" _The little mermaid slowly dropped the oar and held his now hurting chest could this be—

"I made it through the wilderness

Somehow I made it through

Didn't know how lost I was

Until I found you "

Both Alex and Black slowly cranked around to see a singing White, who had decided to help his brother get that kiss of his. Even though White wanted to use his brother's room as storage space, it didn't mean he wanted him to die. (Well sort of but Black's life insurance didn't cover getting turned into sea foam, bummer.) So he did what any good bro would do and decide to set the mood. "Uh….is that a merman singing? And when the hell did that band get there?" Alex pointed out to the small assembly of musicians as Black remained frozen in place, not believing this was happening.

"I was beat incomplete

I'd been had, I was sad and blue

But you made me feel

Yeah, you made me feel

Shiny and new"

"_Oh please Neptune…kill me…kill me now." _Black sulked as White began to sing louder and with a sly grin looked towards him and even went so far as to point at him as he sang the next verse.

"Like a **VIRGIN**

Touched for the very first time

Like a **VIRGIN**

When your heart beats

Next to mine"

White continued to sing, making sure that EVERYONE knew Black was a virgin. Yep. Black could die right now. But not before he killed White first—

**BAM!**

**SPLASH!**

White Joker sank below the waves as the oar Black threw like a missile made contact with his forehead and sent him to his watery grave.

"_HA! Right in the blow-hole!" _Black smirked before he felt Alex tap him on his shoulder.

"So…Igor….I'm guessing….you're a virgin?"

**CRASH!**

"Gah! Igor! Wake up buddy! I can't start the motor by myself! IIIIIGGGGOOOORRRR I NEED YOU TO PULL THE SWITCH!"

**~.X.~**

Due to last night's events Black the foul-mouthed mermaid couldn't dare face the prince. _"It took only two days for my entire reputation to go down the drain. Yeah, I'm ready to become f***ing sea-foam." _Black gloomily thought as he mindlessly wandered around the castle's halls. Sure the queen was still trying to decapitate him from time to time (and he was kind of banned from the castle) but he found out that his legs could move pretty fast when they wanted too—except the third one which seemed to get in the way sometimes. _"Do all humans have pens?" _ He wondered as he stepped into a room, not aware of the undressing presence in front of him.

"_But now that I think about it….why does it leak when I need to go—"_

**SMACK!**

"Ack!" Black yelped as he tumbled on top of a fleshy mass, which let out an equally loud cry.

"Ep!"

Alex turned a bright red as Black laid on top of him, their faces only inches apart and as the mermaid fumbled to get up, his hands grabbed—well groped something….squishy.

"_W-W-what the hell…is…that….a….BOOBY! IT'S A BOOBY!" _Black mentally screamed as he watched his hand stay on top of the lacey bra that covered the large mound. As blood trickled down his nose, Alex's fist tightened and before Black could blink he was sent flying off into outer space.

"**GET LOST YA PERVERT!" **

Poor little mermaid couldn't catch a break.

So by the time Black entered back into the Earth's atmosphere, sunset was very close at hand and fortunately Alex the prince—well princess went to apologize to the creep.

"Ah…um…I'm sorry Igor….I didn't mean to send you to mars…." Alex muttered as she rubbed the back of her head and awkwardly smiled at the red-head who was selling some outer space rocks to some peasants. Apparently they were worth a lot. Anyways Black frowned in her direction causing the princess to feel even worse, even though they had known each other for like a day….she could have sworn she had met the mysterious mute man before.

"Really! I am! It's just that…well….you should have knocked…" Alex blushed as Black scoffed and began to close up his shop. Even if he was making a lot of money he couldn't forgive the girl for not only punching him into outer space but for the drowning incident too. He had saved her life and what does she do? Call him a troll and cried to her stupid girly haired advisor. Plus she didn't punch Ace when he was hitting on her! How come he's the only one who has to suffer?

Black scowl grew deeper as he slammed his shop's door shut and began to storm off in an angry huff.

"Hey! Wait! Black! Wait up!" Alex cried out as the red-head instantly stopped, but only because he was surprised.

"_She called me Black….not troll….or Igor…but Black." _The mermaid thought as he felt his heart race for some unusual reason. Somehow, when she said it, it sounded like the most beautifulest thing ever.

"Black! I really am sorry! I didn't mean it! I swear!"

Alex pleaded, fearing she would lose a close friend, which she didn't have many since not only was she a prince but a cross-dressing one too so not many people wanted to be friends with her. So her world was pretty lonely but after spending the whole day with Black—it didn't feel so bad, in fact it was pretty fun.

"Please…forgive me….I really like you."

Alex's face burned a deep red as she gently tugged on the end of Black's coat. Causing pleasurable chills to run up his spine and as he turned around to face the princess, he noticed how lovely she was. If he thought she was pretty when she was half-drowned then she was the most gorgeous creature he had ever seen right now as she stood before him. Her turquoise eyes shimmering like the clear waters of Bahamas, her smooth pale skin reminding him of the salty sea spray that felt cool against his own, her light brown hair that was lightly tanned from the sun and framed her face like a heavenly halo and down to her perfect pink lips that reminded him of the bright coral that grew nearby his home—yeah this human was the most precious treasure he had ever unknowingly discovered.

"_Becoming human…doesn't seem so bad either…."_ He thought as he gently cupped her cheek, feeling the warmth from her redden face tingle beneath his cool fingers. _"Yeah…I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with this idiot." _He silently continued as the sun began to set behind them and as it sunk below the crashing waves the little mermaid…..

Kissed the girl.

"B-B-Black…" Alex slowly pulled away from the strange man's face, her eyelids fluttering open as her lips disconnected from his. She couldn't believe she kissed—

"What? You never kissed a f***ing guy before?" Black blushed as he swiftly turned his face away, embarrassed that he gave in to testosterone and kissed a HUMAN. Though he wouldn't admit that he had enjoyed the kiss—a lot.

**A troll.**

"GWUAH! A TROLL STOLE MY FIRST KISS!" Alex wept as she covered her mouth and finally realized why Black had looked so familiar. He was that cussing troll that was trying to eat her on the beach.

"W-W-What!? Troll!? OI! WHO THE F*** ARE YOU CALLING A TROLL!?" Black growled instantly forgetting all about the mushy feelings he had felt before. That damn brat was still being ungrateful and now it was time for his revenge. Forget about love! Love can just shove it!

"I can't believe I kissed an ugly troll!" Alex continued to cry as Black pinched her cheek and began to stretch the chubby flesh away from her skull.

"Oi! You little piece of sh**! Now that I'm f***ing human your my bi*** now!"

"Noooooooo!~~"

"Heh, I'm going to make your life a living hell!" He cynically laughed as he gripped her cheek harder, causing her to let out a painfully squeak.

"Ep! Mah Cwheek! It huwrts!"

"Good! Now come on servant! I'm f***ing starving! Go make me a sandwich!"

Well this looks like the start of a beautiful—

"Waaaahhhh! I should have nwever gwone out to sea! Now I'm stwuck with an ugly twroll!~~"

"Ten lashes for calling me troll, maggot! And no cake for a week!"

"Noooo!~~"

Uh….of a beautiful…..servant—master relationship. Yeah….or something like that.

Meh. Close enough.

**~.X.~**

* * *

**So basically I wrote this because first off...I'm a disney junkie...haters gonna hate potatoes are gunna po-tate...and secondly today is Alex's birthday, and it's been a year since _Conflicted!_ has been out and i'm pretty proud of it...even though I pretty much thought I would be the only one reading it but hey I guess people liked the idea of a cross-dresser falling into Wonderland and having most of the guys question their sexuality. Lol anyways thanks for reading! :D Also if you want to for the Like a Virgin part...listen to the cover by Vince Kidd...that's how I imagine White signing it.. **


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